I thought long and hard about posting this on my blog but, after reading the last post on my favourite blog, Zen Habits, I felt I had to go ahead and do this.
My mother - Mum - Mama, passed away on December 17th at the grand age of 94. I was so glad that I was with her at the end, that she died at home as per her wishes, and that she had excellent care in her own home for so long. Knowing that we had cared for her in the way that she would have wanted, gave me strength in the days following her death.
Mum in her mid-twenties in northern Rhodesia
As a Celebration of her Life, this is the eulogy I gave at her Requiem Mass:
"Thank you all for coming here today.
Normally a eulogy is not given in the Polish Catholic Church, but, I think it is only fitting to honour a life well-lived in this way.
Julia Bukowska was born in 1920 in Konarzyce, a village in the eastern part of Poland. She was the eldest of four daughters. Her father, my Dziadzio, was a blacksmith, and her mother, my Babcia, was a gospodynia, a housewife. From listening to conversations between my mother and my aunts over the years, they were all "Daddies little girls" and were spoiled rotten by him while Babcia appeared to be the disciplinarian of the family! I think this is the norm for Polish families. For those that had a Babcia in their lives, we know how fortunate we were.
In her late teens, Mum travelled to Warszawa to learn dress-making skills and this skill stood her in good stead for the rest of her life.
A month after her 19th birthday, the Nazis invaded Poland and, as they say, the rest is history. Many of you present here today, are, like me, first generation Polish, born in England and I know you all share a similar history and background as I do. This eulogy is not only to honour my mother, but also to honour your mothers and all the Polish mothers of that generation, most of whom have already departed to a better place. They all shared the same history and travelled the same hard road.
After war broke out, Mum and her family were deported by train from Poland to Archangel located on the White Sea in northern Russia. There they were forced to do labouring work. Mum supplemented the family's meagre income by doing whatever sewing work was available. From Archangel they were shipped to Uzbekhistan where they worked in the cotton fields. It was here that my Dziadzio contracted typhus - bubonic plague - and died. At the tender age of 22 and 20, my mother and my aunt received his naked body from the makeshift morgue, clothed it in a sheet and dug his grave. All before nightfall as this was predominantly a Muslim country. Today's generation, faced with similar issues, would no doubt be classified with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and end up on Prozac and intensive counselling for the rest of their lives. That generation of women bravely soldiered on….
Towards the end of the war, Mum, Babcia and the youngest sister, Ciocia Hela, were transported to northern Rhodesia as displaced persons, while the other two sisters, Ciocia Marysia and Irena joined the Women's Allied Forces. Mum worked as a dressmaker for the District Commissioner of Northern Rhodesia for several years before the family were transported to England for resettlement. Mum still has in her possession the reference letter she had from her employer, dated May 28th 1948. Here is an excerpt:
" Yula Bulowska has worked for me since July 1945, and I regret more than I can say that it is now necessary for me to part with her, owing to her transfer to England. I cannot speak highly enough about her capabilities in the sewing line. She is an exquisite needlewoman, excellent tailoress and cutter out; she is quick and dainty in her work.
Regarding her character, she is entirely honest and trustworthy and of a very nice, quiet disposition with a happy temperament."
On arrival in England the family came to Nottingham and all the sisters and Babcia were reunited again. Mum met my Dad, Jan, in Nottingham after he was demobbed from the Polish Allied Forces where he served as a paratrooper. In Poland they lived only a relatively short distance apart but they met in Nottingham!! How random is that!!
Together with your parents and others of that generation, they were the founding members of this Polish community. Without them, their hard work, their efforts and their donations of what little money they had, the Polish Community and the Polish Catholic Church in Nottingham would not exist. We must never forget this.
Mum and Dad were only married for 14 years when tragedy struck again when my Dad died at a young age and Mum was left to raise two children with the help of Babcia. She did a damn good job!
To Mama the most important things in life were: Family, the Church, all things Polish and of course, her garden. I think the Church probably headed the list!
She worked hard to raise and educate us at a time when there was no insurance policy and money was very tight. I never felt I was lacking in anything and I never felt poor. We knew we had her unconditional love and that she worked hard for all of us so that we could achieve our best. As a result we kept a lot of things from her! If only she knew what we got up to!! We had the best clothes, all impeccably handmade and, of course, unappreciated at the time. I longed to be able to go into a store and buy a dress. Oh, how I wish I had appreciated those beautiful handmade clothes and the love that went into making them.
Mum loved her adopted country of England and would never leave. She used to say that England had been very good to her, but, in her heart, she was Polish to the core. The White Eagle with it's golden crown was, and remains, a prominent feature in our front room. We always spoke Polish at home, were sent to Polska Szkola on Saturdays where unbeknown to our parents, we spoke in English with our friends!! We were in Polish Brownies, Girl Guides, took classes in Polish folk dancing, took part in Akademia's, procesja's, went to Polish Guide Camp and even to Poland for summer camp. All to develop our love and knowledge of the Mother Country. I still remember and I'm sure you do, all the years, when, at the end of Mass, the Polish people would sing, as one, the hymn: Swiec nam Pani z Jasnej Gory, ending in : "O Boze, do wolnej Polski nam powrocic daj, nasz kraj" - God, let us return to a free Poland, our country. No-one was happier than Mum when Pope John Paul 2 was elected as the first Polish Pope and when the communist regime was overthrown in Poland.
Mama was, above all, and, to the very end, a staunch Catholic and Christian. Up until the last few years of her illness, she would go to church on a daly basis for Mass. Up to her last days she would say the rosary at 7.20 every evening when it was programmed on TRWAM. A friend of hers reminded me last week of what Mama used to say, and, I do remember this well, that even if she had to go to church "na kolanach" - on her knees - she would continue to go. My mother taught me her values well. At the end of her life I followed Polish Catholic tradition: entwined the rosary around her hands, lit a candle, placed the crucifix by her head and called the Polish priest. At the end, it was a priest from her adopted country of England that came to pray with me.
Mum's Christian values were reflected in the life she led. She gave generously of her time - as a young child I can still vividly remember a young Polish lady with a terminal illness coming to our house and asking Mum to make her funeral dress for her. The house was always full of people requesting mama's help in sewing costumes for Akademia's, Polish National costumes, Guide uniform and the like.
She also gave generously of what little money she had. As far back as I can remember she donated to the Missionary Sisters of St.Peter Clavier to aid in their work in Africa. She continued to do this until the week before her death. From her time spent in Africa, she developed empathy for the African people and saw how oppressed and ill-treated they were by the white supremacists. She also gave frequently and generously to the Church and to the clergy of this parish, money she could ill afford.
Mama, I thank you for giving me life. By your example, you have made me the person I am today.
Mum, the spirit in me honours the spirit of you
Wieczny odpoczynek racz jej dac Panie
May you rest in peace"
Talk soon
Zoe
